NZFF

Can please teach me online how to refuel in mid-air using drogue chute&probe and also train me up so that i can fly accident free

Should be no problem a few questions though:
1/ what type of hotas are you using?
2/ what version of lockon do you have?

I download the latest patch from ubisoft so I think its version 1.2 and when i went on this morning it said flaming cliffs and what is the 'hotas'?

The latest patch from ubisoft is 1.02 however there is one addon available called Flaming cliffs which is also included with lockon gold. You can still refuel with lockon 1.02 in single player(neither version works very well refuelling online only Falcon 4 Allied Forces has that capability). A HOTAS is your joystick with throttle which you need to be able to fly the aircraft to connect to the boom or basket. The more expensive HOTAS are better as they are more sensitive and allow smaller throttle inputs which is what you need to stay with the tanker. In lockon 1.02 the refuelling is scripted as in as soon as you connect with either the basket or boom the aircraft remains there until you retract the probe or close the refuelling door. In FC the SU33 refuelling is not scripted and the hose can flex or stretch and you have to constantly adjust to stay with the tanker.

I have definately got flaming cliffs and my joystick is the logitech attack 3 but im probably going to upgrade to a more expensive HOTAS maximum i will spend is anything from zero to $160 because my current HOTAS throttle dosent work on LOMAC

Your throttle probably will work try the following, goto setup and select joystick axis. Set your axis for throttle(not left or right engine). A good cheap HOTAS is the X-45, thats what I've got and its good for formations/refuelling.

YAY I got my Saitek X52 today!!!

X52s a good stick you'll have no problems inflight refuelling with that.

Hey i'm having a few problems on LOMAC with my X-52 joystick with the throttle, when I change the options with the throttle it keeps changing to the slider control in-flight and is really anoying any solutions?

Try having a look here as this is where the developers of Lockon hang out. You could also try downloading an X52 profile there are some here.